26. Friday 26 January. Fridayyyyyyyyy! Happy little solid work-from-home Friday. There was the tiniest break in the oppressive heat and I woke up to the sound of rain, so decided to go straight out and try my new, longer loop while it was still cool. It was going great until I hit a loose patch of muddy gravel on a downhill section of the Zealandia track and went ass over tit, landing with my right leg bent up behind me and sliding down while making a very embarrassing squawk. Thankfully there was no one around, except my dog who could not have given less of a fuck.
I assessed the damage and (though I was tempted to limp on home) decided I was mostly just muddy and a bit bruised, and should carry on.
Made it around the rest of the 5k being as careful as I could, gave the dog another go at chasing her dreams (rabbits – she still sucks) and then forced her to have a shower which always makes her pathetic and shivery and then absolutely bananas for the next hour as she tears around the house like a feral mini-wolf. Got loads done today – social media, transcription, marketing, emails, all the fun stuff – and even attempted a low GI samosa/rice/curry thingy – I think it could have potential!
I did True Day 24 – Be Kind, which I was really grateful for, because after a tumble-slide down a hill I needed some kindness (and a short practice). My knee was too sore from the fall to sit cross legged comfortably, so I sent both legs out long and wide and got more of a core workout instead. Adriene is right that sometimes stopping and being chill is sometimes the hardest, harder than the dynamic physical days. Especially after my little mental stumble yesterday! So it was really nice to do. I’m loving having nice clothes to wear while I run and stretch too, it makes a huge difference not having to adjust or wriggle or hope that things don’t rip. All calm and happy (baby), I went out to work – it was Speakeasy social dance night at the studio, and it was awesome! I am usually a bit freaked out by the big dance social events – so many people, so many conversations, it’s not my strongest environment – but it was quite lovely in the end and with the balance between making sure the dog was ok, having conversations and doing some dancing it was fun and a nice way to kick off the year.
27. Saturday 27 January. I got home after midnight, and because my partner is doing a blitz on their awesome video game project this weekend I woke up super early and couldn’t get back to sleep. I decided it was a good excuse to get into the coffee and get to work, so I knocked out a bunch of transcription as fast as I could, then I dithered for about 10 years because I had three social events to go to that day and was feeling low on spoons and anxious, and it was bloody hot. I convinced myself to go to the first one in the end and was so so glad to see friends on a special occasion! Ella even met a Bichon Frise and didn’t try to murder it (She is embarrassingly bigoted against small fluffy dogs). I even made it to the second one – the final ever performance of Summer Star Trek! I’m so sad to see it go! I’ve been going every year it’s been on, it’s such a part of my Wellington feels.
We got a whole armful of tribbles to take home for Ella and she went for “attack, then cuddle in bed” which was ridiculously cute. I was so out of spoons after that I didn’t make it to the third thing. I’m quite proud of myself though. I’m working really hard on being more out there, friendly, social, present, this year.
Since I was so busy I didn’t have time to go on a hill run, but I ran my trip down to town to drop Ella off, and then to take her home after Summer Star Trek, so obviously I did it in two parts, but it was a round trip of 5.2km, with the whole way back being ridiculously uphill. I did (the trip home) in 28 minutes which is the fastest I have EVER done that journey, it’s honestly just a giant mountain!
I also realised that with the 5 today and the 5 yesterday, I have cracked 100km far this year! We celebrated with homemade burgers and chip shop chips, a glass of wine and some more Star Trek, then I did more work, and finally, when my brain gave up, closed out the day with yoga – True Day 25, Be Aware. I was very aware – aware of how exhausted I was! And how full of burger and chips I was. And bleeerrrrgh. I don’t remember too much of it except all of my joints making hideous popping noises every time I moved, but I did the whole thing including the planks, dolphin pose, the gorgeous cross legged stretches at the end, and then… I fell asleep. On my mat. I was rudely awakened by youtube starting an obnoxiously loud ad, and went to bed like a zombie!
28. Sunday 28 January. Tired day, sleepy day, coffee and too much food day. I’ve had a hungry weekend, probably from tiredness, but it’s so hot that when I eat the food I immediately feel gross forever. Got stuck into the transcription, headed down to drop dog (ran it in 15 minutes!), ran back (ALL THE WAY UP THE HILL IN 21 MINUTES WHICH IS SOME KIND OF OLYMPIC RECORD) and then headed off to do a super secret squirrel comedy thing (I recorded a set for VR! VR! I’m finally gonna be in THREE DEEEEEEE!) which was a heap of fun. For someone who’s not doing comedy anymore I’m doing a heck of a lot of comedy!
True day 26 – Be still. Why why why is the last thing I ever want to do “be still”? The single nostril pranayama at the beginning was familiar to me from the yoga for anxiety video which I’ve done way too many times to admit, so that was a nice thing to come back to and remember how much it sets off that stillness. I don’t mind being physically still and holding poses, even tricky poses (volcano was fun! 10 toes up!) but I struggle more with how my mind goes haywire. I have never been good at silent, still meditation – I know people swear by it for ADHD, but I swear it sets me off – my mind is a very loud place, and I’ve always found clarity in that noise by “channel blocking” – that is, using multiple sources of stimulation to take care of some of the excess processing so that I can focus on one thing. I play music when I’m working (sometimes multiple songs at the same time – and when I’m super anxious, like a whole Nina Hagen album at once. This is a trick a dear friend of mine gave me, and MultiHagen has got me through some shit), I think best when I’m cleaning, or walking, or running, or exercising, or even interpreting – I achieve the “calm, quiet, still mind” that seems to be the eternal goal by keeping all the gremlins busy so I can have some space to myself. If I sit still and quiet, well – the gremlins come along with their horrendous songs, banging pots together, screaming about what I haven’t done, what I need to do, what I did once, what I saw that one day when I was like 9 – and it drives me to distraction. The longer I sit the louder it gets. This doesn’t happen when I’m hyper-focused, when I’m thinking deeply about something and staring into space lost in my thoughts (I love those random trips) but it does happen when I try and force “stillness”. I’ve always hated being told to sit, look and listen. It’s a surefire way to make sure I don’t hear a thing. SO! Today, inviting stillness, the gremlins came and (alongside singing the same 3 bars of my current favourite song over and over to try and make me hate it) started asking questions, like am you sure that you’re not being delusional here? Like… you are NOT a yoga person. No offense, you just don’t…look like one or bend like one, you saw that video of the bendy one today you can’t do that you’re not being very mindful are you, you just did that movement super weird and lazy. You probably won’t get to a point where you can do it properly, if you’ve already started slacking off. Are you sure you haven’t hit the peak of your progress and now you just plateau forever? Are you aware that you might have eaten too much today and so this entire thing is kind of pointless? I dunno about you but this doesn’t feel like it’s doing anything at all. Is this even a yoga routine or are you just standing around? Stop fidgeting! Ohhh there we go you are not good at lizard, we knew that. Guess that’s you done. You should write this in a story. OOOOH or a list of other things! You should try all of Adriene’s videos even the non yoga ones and just make reaction videos to like, tea and mat spray that would be less tryhard. Or more tryhard. God, that awful video you saw today, don’t do that. Oops you didn’t do those three things you just remembered. WRITE THIS DOWN NOW YOU’LL FORGET. What was it? List the things I can’t remember LIST THEM ok thanks WRITE THEM DOWN! NO! BE STILL NOW! BE STILL. You are bad at being still.
I stood still anyway and did all the things, and maybe physical stillness is not my strength but there’s no point in not trying it and giving it equal space, and an equal chance. And then after I finished I jumped into dolphin pose and stuck my butt out at the gremlins so there. 28 days down.
29. Monday 29 January. Up and at ’em, basically. I didn’t sleep very well but on the plus side that means I was wide awake early (ish) and ready to start my day! Some genius (me) had the foresight to put my leftover smoothie in the fridge with chia seeds, so I chomped that with some peanut butter and finished off a piece of transcription work, walked for a couple of hours in the ridiculous sun delivering fliers and listening to Buffering the Vampire Slayer (yessssssssss), had a lunch meeting in my weird lesbian soccer mom outfit because I’m a posh businessman, continued to smash smash smash the admin, and then taught my classes in the million degree heat.
I am pretty sick of being alternately slimy and sticky to the touch. COOL DOWN, BRO. No runs today, no no. Too hot and busy. My abdominal pain suddenly amped up during classes and was a bit awful, so I foetal positioned for a while when I got home but decided that if yoga didn’t kill it me it would make me stronger. Up and at ’em again! True Day 27 – Be Free was pretty cool, I feel like the “catch a wave” breath thing worked for the first time during the vinyasa flow from chaturanga up to upward facing dog and back? It was interesting. I also started to figure out some hip alignment stuff that make a long of the poses both harder and easier. Unlike Shakira, my hips lie a lot. I like that I can feel myself getting better at doing yoga, at showing up and getting through, and building strength and trusting my balance and muscles – and yet it’s all still really hard, tricky, there’s heaps to learn and do. There are only two days left of January. I’ve almost done it. This is super weird. Thankfully there are still four days left of True, 11 days left of 30 Days of Yoga, and then TWO OTHER YEARS’ WORTH of 30 day January challenges to get through. What am I supposed to do after that, join a class? Weird.
30. Tuesday 30 January. !!!!!!!! DAY 30 !!!!!!!!!! Who what when where why how? I did the yoga for neck and shoulder relief last night before bed to try and get a better sleep, and put a rolled up towel under my neck, and it definitely helped. Pup and I were ready to face the morning.
So with coffee under my belt and the air con most definitely on, I decided to start the day with True Day 28 – Be Fearless. I still can’t get over how wobbly my right leg is compared to my left, both in lunges and things like warrior 3 which I totally achieved today btw NBD. The least natural thing in the world to me is yogi squat but I’m managing it, I’m sitting it, and it was amusing how hard I found it to figure out where my knees were meant to sit in crow pose and then I finally did and was so exuberant I immediately fell on my face and laughed a lot. Puppy mostly hung out with her tribble.
Well! 30 days… only one day of January left. See you tomorrow 🙂
Days of Yoga so far in 2018: 29
Days missed: 1
Kms run or hill walked/hiked so far in 2018: 107